Responsibility. It's a long word with plenty of syllables. It also means an awful lot. I used to think that school was a massive amount of responsibility...but now I'm at University I have to budget (which I do rather well), socialise, network, revise and get my ass into gear to get assignments in on time. I'm also trying to currently push through actually signing a contract for a house next year. Having somewhere to live is always a bonus. We didn't know how easy we had it when we were kids. Granted, I don't suppose everyone was doing housework at the age of five, but still.
Y'know what? Sometimes I want to say 'to hell with taking the responsibility for my actions' and just throwing myself entirely into something. I wish I wasn't always that cautious, sensible, stoic person people expect me to be. But people think of me in different ways for different reasons. Most of the time? It's my fault. I let them see what they want to see. It makes things easier that way, right? For everyone involved? It gives them less responsibility because they don't know everything about me to make that call. I like helping people, making people smile. It's one of the only things I'm half good at.
I should have been revising today. Instead I've been doing nothing apart from lounging outside with friends and watching Grey's Anatomy. I'm meant to be going home tomorrow via train and I've not even booked tickets. How's that for screwing up responsibility eh? I'm not always what people expect me to be. I try. God knows I try.
I'm sorry I'm not a Law student. I'm sorry I'm not always able to be there for you. I'm sorry I can't give you a hug to make it all ok. I'm sorry I'm not more patient, caring, prettier, more intelligent. When you get pulled in all directions at once through different responsibilities...eventually a limb's going to snap off and you're left wondering why the hell you're bleeding so much.
