After tidying up and doing my Pilates regime, I switched on the TV. Alright, so it was nothing major like bungee jumping or suchlike, but it isn't something I do all that often at all. Audrey Hepburn was on in the film 'My Fair Lady'. Unfortunately, I'd missed about twenty minutes or so of the beginning, but it was something I'd always wanted to see, so I continued to watch it. I'm thoroughly glad I did, as it put me in a good mood for the rest of the day. There were two songs in it that I liked more than the others. 'Show Me', which made me smile a little bit despite myself. Being an English student I'm constantly drilled about the power of words and documents...but I suppose at the end of the day, actions are the important things. Words can lie. They can be empty and hollow and have the opposite of their intended meaning. 'I love you' is bandied about, but never acted upon. The next song was 'Without you', showing the strength of the lead female character. The line, " There'll be crumpets and tea without you." made me chuckle. Anyone who is reading this who knows me will know why.
That last song, as well as making me smile, got me thinking. Over the past year or so I've grown to be a rather more sociable creature than I was, as much as I still enjoy my solitude. In my life, a lot of people have come and gone for a number of different reasons. I only have to look at simple things like my full contacts list on MSN and wonder where different people are. But it doesn't really bother me. It's what people do. It's only very, very rarely that people come into your life and stay there. It's that sort of person you want to grip onto and never let go of. That type of person with whom you would risk everything for and never take the chance of changing things between all at the same time. But I digress. That last song made me realise that whatever happens, I can survive. Whether things stay as they are or whether things change. It makes little difference in the grand scheme of things. I'm my own person. I want certain people in my life in different ways, but if those ways aren't possible, or a few of them break away and move in their own direction...I'll keep singing off-key and walking down my own road. It makes me content, realising from time to time that I'm still independent, despite it all.
As long as I've managed to give some sort of comfort to those people who come in and out of my life, and as long as I can make people smile, I'm happy. I've been of some use. Maybe one day I'll meet someone walking down the same road as myself in its entirety and find solace with them. But I'm in a good place at the moment. I'm content with this. There's a few people I want to walk with me, but there's no-one I need.
I am me, and I'm starting to realise I don't need to feel guilty about that.
