Thursday, August 28, 2008
I went to see Mamma Mia for the second time at the cinema yesterday (with as many laugh out loud moments as the first one) with my grandparents, and all three of us thoroughly enjoyed it. The Showcase has a special 'sing' along' version next week that I'm tempted to try and get a ticket for...but then I realised that might be going just a little too far...maybe. We'll see how I and my bank account both feel at the start of next week.
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Despite myself, for some reason I've been thinking a lot about a certain person just recently. Over the past couple of days or so. I suppose mostly I've been going through that 'what if' stage within my mind, and I honestly can't now think of any good excuse. But it's gone now. The chance for them to love me as they wanted to has bid adieu and flown the nest. It's odd now I think about it...but what right did I have to tell them 'no' and push them away as though they meant nothing to me? It was my lack of self belief, my pride and my fear that made me do that. The thing is, they got under my skin. More or less from the beginning we could talk for hours and just be happy with one another's company. How many people do you find like that these days? Not many, that's for sure.
I do it to a lot of people when they get too close to me. I call it my self preservation technique, you see, and even though it works...it does so through prevention. It doesn't make me feel any less foolish for what I did. The chance I passed up. If I could have that moment again, I'd nod my head and smile and confess to them...but that's the thing about life. There are no second chances and I'll just have to pray that I don't make the same mistake again. No matter how much they're able to irritate me, or how many times we've disagreed over something...it didn't seem to matter at all in the long run.
I'm an idiot. The End. An idiot who sorely misses what could have been. I just hope I can eventually forgive myself for that.
I miss them. More than I thought I was capable of missing someone. And it's frustrating since I know that I'm the only one to blame.
