I've been thinking all day as to how to write down the things I wish to address in my blog today, but now I've sat down with my hands hovering above the keyboard, it's all just...gone. Typical, eh?
So, I asked my friend if she wanted a break and she said that yes, she did. So we're on a break. That shouldn't really be an issue though, right? They say familiarity breeds contempt and that absence makes the heart grow fonder. On this occasion though, I feel deep down that it isn't going to work. It isn't that I don't want to figure things out, but I've realised that things won't go back to how they were. Either things will be better...or we'll be done. Perhaps I've simply chosen not to notice the subtle changes over the past year or so. Or rather, I have noticed, but I hadn't wanted to admit that anything could ever change between the pair of us.
We've changed over the past few years. Both of us. The problem lies in that we expected our friendship to remain the same and not evolve as we did. Perhaps in our sentimentality we were afraid that to alter it would be to lose what we had. At least, that's true for me. Perhaps I'm giving this too much inspection, as always. Perhaps I should just let things...be, for a change. It's a strange, almost bitter feeling I get when I realise that for all my not being emotional or affectionate when I wanted to be, for fear of upsetting the status quo and perception of who I am...I was disliked and dismissed as shallow. Shards. The break is good, though. At least, it has been for me thus far. It's given me room to think. Room to breathe. And it's made me realise what I want.
I guess it's just a waiting game now.
Sleep hasn't been particularly forthcoming over the past few days, but for some reason I feel rather refreshed when I get out of bed in the morning. Apart from the stress of my Critical Theory assignment I've been rather calm and relaxed these past few days. Perhaps it's because the sun has finally decided to make an appearance.
